Hello and welcome to Joyful in the Midst.
I knew that when I became a mom my life would change and I had this idea in my head of how things would go; I’d give birth to two beautiful and healthy girls at 40 weeks and we’d all live happily ever after, but you know what they say: “If you want to make God laugh. tell Him your plans.” God definitely had other plans. 7 weeks ago my husband and I welcomed our twin daughters into the world, they were 13 weeks early. They are currently undergoing care in the NICU and each day is a rollercoaster. In general we have more good days than bad ones and the girls have proven they are both fighters, but there is still a long road ahead of us. This experience is one of the toughest and s things I have ever lived through in my entire life, but somehow, through it all, I am experiencing joy.
Seems insane right? How is it possible to experience joy at the exact same time as crippling fear? I don’t know how it works, but whenever I stop to assess how I am feeling in a given situation, I can often sense joy in the background. It sits underneath my other emotions waiting to be brought to the surface. It’s a conscious choice that I have to make in each of those moments though: Choose fear or choose joy. It’s important to make the distinction that joy is different than happiness, you don’t have to be happy to experience joy. Kay Warren once described joy as “the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.” This means that whatever is going on in my life, whatever else I am feeling or experiencing, I can experience joy. Don’t get me wrong, this is way easier said than done. More often than not, when I am in the middle of an emotionally charged situation I don’t stop to assess my feelings, I simply choose to focus on the fear or the pain or the grief but, after a while, I remember that God is in control of every little detail and when I put my attention on that, I am learning that it’s possible to find joy in the midst.